another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
