Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
