Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
