I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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