where am i from again
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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