she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
