i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
