I think I won the penis lottery.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
