how hairy? two words: wookie tits
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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