I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The adults are the big ones right?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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