if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
