you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
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I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
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my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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