i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
