I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
