This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
