I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
