Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
