I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I am available for nakedness
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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