just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
As shirtless as possible
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
