so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize