Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
