Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
