Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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