He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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