where am i from again
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
