I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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