the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
