the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
