Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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