So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
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All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
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Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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