if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
