I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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