i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
