That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
