Got a toothbrush?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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