FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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