i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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