How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
