Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
