Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
