new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
