I feel like abortions should bother me more
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
