The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
