This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.