Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
