oh god the rape fog is back!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
