shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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