i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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