your parents love me but you hate me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize