Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation Purity has been aborted
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize