I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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