The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
