he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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