why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
that may or may not have been my penis.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
