I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
