It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
