I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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