The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
