Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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