I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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