just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
