Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
