He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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