Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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