dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
her vagine was all disorganized.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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