He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
