wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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