JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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