I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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