Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
